"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it." - Franklin P. Jones"
"I was in Glastonbury once with my mates and when you’re in the big crowds you can’t go to the toilet for a piss. So I had the brilliant idea to have a wee in one of those beer case thingy’s, but what I hadn’t realize was that the bottom of the case was open, so I was in fact pissing on my shoes."
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice."